Tag Archives: Love

Asking a question

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I answered a few questions prompted on Plinky. Over time, I found out that these questions made me think; and think about a lot of things! I had new questions springing up in my mind every time I answered a question in there. For a difference, I wanted to ask a question that I found difficult to answer. This was to see how people respond, and learn from it.

My question was ‘Name someone who has significantly influenced the way you see the world‘. It was a difficult question to answer because there are so many who have walked in and out of my life giving me drops and sometimes streams of wisdom. There are quite a lot of others who stick with me to make me realize relationships are priority to wisdom. To name one of them was thus really troubling.

Thanks to Plinky! First of all, they found my question sufficiently interesting to post it as a day’s prompt. Secondly, there were people who answered this question (about 40 of them when I saw. Read the answers here). Most of the answers indicated that parents/spouse influence one’s perspective most. May be, that is a wrong answer, but surely I think that is the answer that can restore peace between ears. A few answers spoke about god, which I believe is a matter of faith more than love. Other answers named professionals, perhaps from their fields, to have influenced them most. I assume this is because they had their profession in their mind while reading the question. So, though that might be a genuine answer, that may not be what you tend to rely on when you retrospect to find out who you are and how you have become.

I have too many people to name, for those who have made me who I am. But yes, if I were to answer my question, I would put my parents and my wife on top of everybody else.

Complex Conversations

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Me: Be happy with what I have done.

Her: You could have tried better.

Me: I am sorry, I couldn’t do more.

Her: But what about what I have asked.

Me: Let me try to do more next time.

Her: This is when it matters.

Me: I promise I will do it.

Her: Take it as your priority.

Me: I am a failure, leave me alone.

Her: Why do you say that instead of trying hard.

Me:

Her: Why don’t you care?

Does that look like the conversation between a couple in love? I am sorry, I didn’t mean that. :)  But just treat ‘Her’ as your organization, and then reread the conversation. I guess that makes more sense. Perhaps, that is why some call them not ‘managers‘, but ‘damagers‘.

PS: Early in the morning, I read a professor write something about psychic scotoma (an inability to look into one’s own problems). May be, these conversations are the medicine for such a disorder (or the world order!). They just thrust that the cause of all problems is yourself. Enjoy your day!

Loving Parents

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Pursuing passion comes at a cost, a time cost in getting what you like. I have come into academics as a doctoral scholar to pursue my passion and be what I want, a teacher/scholar.  However, ever since I made an exit from the industry and the lucrative job, my pockets have gone deeper and I had to ask my parents for every expense of mine. That did hurt me for a while but not after my parents have convinced me that they are happy taking my burden.

Yesterday, after a while, I saw my father’s feet which have turned thin, pale and rugged. For a moment, truth struck my heart hard; that he has become what he is because of his pursuit to keep us happy–a journey on which he picked up flowers to keep them under our feet, so tiring it must have been for him. Sitting at his feet, taking them on to my chest, pressing them for a while, I can’t describe the feelings but there must have been a reason for tears in my eyes. I quietly walked away, but once he woke up he kissed my forehead and said, ‘I love you’.

I must have mentioned it on at least a couple of occasions with others, and may be once with my parents, that I wanted to have my hands on a digital SLR camera. And today, here it was in my hands, Nikon D3100. What should I ask when my parents care about giving me what I think I want! How can I ever return them the love I get? Really, my parents are great because they give me a princely feeling all the time, but above all, they are with me no matter what. They are here with me without a complaint when I am walking through the rough times. Perhaps that is how all parents should be, or already are; but the fact that I am experiencing it all in its most beautiful form makes me feel fortunate to have such parents. Here I am, again, with confidence continuing to pursue my passion, and with no time cost in getting what I want.

Pulling the extremes

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I have recently been looking for God. And I can’t but smile at how he has created life and world. It all seems so fascinating. After my last post ‘God must be crazy‘, somehow I have begun to capture interesting things; if it is not premature, I might want, to say contrasting things. Let me pull together some of them to see if God convinces me to be an atheist now.

  1. Invitation to an event followed by a request to leave from the same, both from the same friend–the former was his intention, and the later was somebody else’s discomfort.
  2. I had people who appreciated my blog. And now, there are a few of them who want me to die (so do their comments say).
  3. My partner who, in the past, had put me almost like an exhibit introducing me to everyone she knows, wanted me to stay out of campus waiting her, requesting me not to come in.
  4. After a long time (it is too hard to recall when was the last time) I go to a temple, and the doors are closed. Following that, again after a long time (perhaps, it is in my fourth class I did this last), I put my hands on a cute little dog and felt inexpressible love for it. And just when I was about to leave the temple premises, the God had his doors opened; but I was so deeply involved playing with this little new friend of mine, that for a while I forgot I went there to pray God.
  5. While coming back, I see two groups of kids from two different sides of the road. They stay exactly opposite to each other. One group studies in a zilla parishad school whose total area is less than 300 sq. yards, while the other group studies in the biggest International school in Vizag. The smiles on their faces definitely had a difference.
  6. There was a time when money flowed through my hands and I did not care for it much. And today, I realize the importance of every rupee. I cherish the experiences I had as a child–just recalling so many ways we had to plan to spend that one precious rupee. And then I see how much the world has changed its economics over my little life span!
  7. The kid me, way back then, watched teleschool, chitralahari, rangoli, shaktimaan, ramanand sagar ramaayan, jungle book, and a lot more. All on one channel Doordarshan. Today, I smile–recalling that I have habitually blamed women for watching serials. How blinded I was with where I am, from what I am and from where I came!
  8. Not to mention, but you need to believe this; especially if you have known me only since the last year or two. I was cold, straight, and mean, all before my quitting from Satyam (May be some of my old buddies could tell me how I was). And somehow today, I have earned people who ask me how I manage to smile almost always. I still do not know the answer to it, but that change itself is so amazing to me.
  9. The generally apathetic my self moved beyond, today. And my partner feels I am like God. Surprising even to me!!

God. Wherever you are, read this. That isn’t good enough to take me on your side. You need to do better than that. Don’t amaze me when amusing is fine. It is even better if you show yourself for once for a discussion. What do you say?

Blogging anniversary

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When I began blogging, I never knew how far I could go with it. I still recall one of my cynical friends betting that I would not go beyond writing thirty odd posts or writing for a couple of months. And there were occasions when I questioned the purpose of blogging. But then, not everything in this world is logical, and so did my relationship with my blog, Life is fascinating.

This post is to give myself a pat on back for building a new habit, and making it a part of my routine. As on date, my blog has 160 posts in different categories with about 280 comments. There are exactly 4000 hits on my blog in this one year. As I write, I smile, contemplating if I really care about those numbers. No, I don’t care about those numbers. The way I look at blogging has changed over the last year. If someone asked me today, ‘What is blogging to you’, my response is rather simple, ‘It is my playground, close-to-heart and accessible-at-will’. What else should someone need from their blog, I wonder!

To celebrate the anniversary, I had given a thought of what all I could do. My friends also had a few interesting suggestions. It was rather tempting to do all of those good things they suggested to me, but then my blog said, ‘my goal is simple’. As the day approached, I could think of only two things: getting back to the theme with which I began blogging, and updating the other pages on the blog. They are now done, and they tell me I am a better now than an year back.

There were instances when friends asked me which was my favorite story of all what I had written. I did not know how to answer them, then. But now I think, every story I write is just an extension of who I am and what I think. So I am in love with all of them, equally and unconditionally. I like the stories I have written just as much as I like the story I might write. But there is a sentiment attached to the first of it all, my first story. I am giving the link below:

http://relishingsenses.wordpress.com/2009/12/16/hurry-up-faster/

Now, don’t ask me what is my plan for the coming year on my blog. Because, I was not the one who came up with the ideas on blogging, but it is the blog itself which pushed me to do things. I am as enthused, as some of my eager readers are, on what might come on my blog next.

For now, Happy Anniversary My Dear Blog.

Life is indeed fascinating.

Smile of the soulmate

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My love for her let me put behind all ill experiences, I thought. And the thought smiled back saying, ‘You still carry the luggage’. That thought had a wicked smile… but when she smiled, the thought surrendered itself to the serenity she brings. She loves me more, and she is my soulmate!