I realized. May be a little too soon to come to a conclusion since I have crossed similar phases before, but it is showing up. The frequency at which I am blogging is not at my normal. While this does not mean I am not writing so much, it definitely indicates that I am not spending enough time on my blog (or perhaps thinking about what goes up there!). This is where I am feeling like dried out of topics. My creative mind (if it were at all when I began writing short stories) I find has gone numb, and the active element in my brain seems to be attracted to experiences so much that life looks more fascinating than fiction.

I repeat that line, life looks more fascinating than fiction, for perhaps it is real. Now, in this phase where I was pulling myself to put up something here, I get these fundamental questions: why am I writing anything, who are reading it, and what are people interested in reading in my blog (which is kind of a cluttered place after a little information burst I observed has happened in the last couple of years; I am referring to 300+ posts on my blog!). I figured out I could not work on statistics in detail with any level of satisfaction, but there were certain numbers that hit in my face. They were just jaw dropping evidence about what people read in my blog–which were completely against any of my imaginations. Beginning with story writing, then jumping into writing my life, and in between somewhere with snippets of experimentation around different kinds of stuff like six word fiction, two line stories, and research summaries; my blog has taken enough twists and turns for me to claim that I am an experimenting blogger (experienced and educated also, if I may say). Let me get back to what those jaw dropping observations were.

1. People who read my blog is a close group of friends and enthusiasts who show interest in what I am doing. Others who hit my blog come mostly through google searches with words ‘communication patterns‘, ‘symlog‘, ‘dyadic communication‘, ‘patterns of communication‘, ‘life is fascinating‘, ‘what is fascinating‘ and then a few popular words that are related to me and my work, work place.
2. Most read posts on my blog in that list are: Bales’s SYMLOG Model, Norton’s Communication Style, Bernstein’s Linguistic Codes.

These observations just tell me that my blog is mostly read by scholars in communication. Unfortunate for them, I am not the authority nor what I have posted is research work in absolute but for the summaries. It is also kind of unfortunate for me because I realize now that people do not necessarily read what I like to write. Surprised! Shocked? I do not exactly touch base with my feelings now, but it is clear in my mind that I would be happy to have more readers for my stories on any day compared to those research summaries that are not really my property. Even when it comes to people reading my own research (numbers seem to be exaggeratedly good here!), it still does not fill my heart. Perhaps, I am and was always in love with fiction. To see that my first post–a tiny story–having only twelve hits is for sure not a happy feeling. How I wish I could write stories that could attract more readers and let them fill in their hearts!

And, What an irony! When everything in my life begins to look more fascinating than fiction, my heart still leads me to write fiction that is fascinating. Life indeed is fascinating!