I just came out of a 95 minute long meeting. The meeting was chaired by an individual who is light years apart in his power from other attendees. And then the progression downwards also projects large scale difference from level to level. Unobserved goes the fact that all the attendees are individuals, everyone has ego, and everyone has ulterior motives, and that all of them are trying to do some thing together–each snatching a piece they can. And how lovely and abundant a meeting setting should be! It offers everything if only you can imagine to find it.

My experience today has been normal by what I had so far. Like the others, even this meeting had its highlights in store for me. Firstly, in a meeting of ten individuals, one person talks for more than seventy minutes; that is very usual, may not be of interest. Secondly, I suspect if I were there for the first seventy eight minutes before someone calls my name–not that I did not try the tricks in my kitty to grab some attention. Thirdly, the personalities in the meeting were so diverse and enticing me in to the fun they offered, that I held my full-bladder for the whole duration of the meeting: and I am still bursting in laughter. Now I decided to write a few things I have commonly observed over many meetings I was a part of–I want to call them the unwritten minutes, because they are the real grooves into which the decisions fall. Some of them are obvious, but there is fun recalling different flavors in them. Some are not so apparent, but I try to make them simple here.

Here we go:

1. The most powerful individual always comes with an agenda. That agenda is a whip. So be prepared. In case you think the meeting is heading in other direction, be really cautious!
2. The second most powerful individual always knows how to counter the most powerful. If you can figure out who is the most powerful and who follows, take the side of the most powerful. The powerful always wins! If you can’t decide, then take a corner seat and enjoy the show.
3. The ones sitting in the corners are real competition. Don’t imagine they understand the rule #2. They are a step back to strike forward and strike hard. Don’t be surprised if they take more spoils out of the meeting. Be alert and react based on how your neighbor wants you to. In simple words, play safe!
4. Don’t talk transactions. They just don’t matter. Talk outcomes if you can, else who cares anyway. Remember! Everybody is in for the sacred whip.
5. If you are a hard-working ass, keep your mouth shut. Because it doesn’t matter what you throw in, you still get suggestions. So if you want to stay motivated put your brain where your mouth is. And let us admit, if you are so hard-working you wouldn’t be given a chance to talk any way! But just in case, be careful.
6. In case there are points discussed contrary to the earlier decisions made, it means more work: obvious till there. But understand, the not so apparent is a meeting next week to sort out the mess. There is absolutely not a shit you can do about it.
7. Identify the smart player in the meeting. Post meeting, stay away from him. He is the real danger, for he already maneuvered the powerful, you are not even a challenge to him. Why prove to be a waste!
8. Decisions are like jewels in bank. All meetings end up with good decisions and grand plans. Leave them there. If you act later, you would become the hard-working ass and land up in another meeting next week. So don’t burden yourselves with action.

That was some post I already scripted. The last part is perhaps to comment about people like me in the meetings. Yes! We are the ones who keep taking the fruits of conflict, while others are busy with tongue twisting exercise. With such others, you could spend post-meeting time over a sip of coffee. You would always be welcome for a round of gossip.

PS: This post is from a funny guy for fun. If you can add, it is fantastic. Please don’t add research and rip it apart from its essence.